Hi. I'm not even sure who reads this still, but I'm going to write anyways because it feels good and right and natural and I want to. So there.
Do you ever feel like things just pile up and pile up. Not all at once. It creeps up on you slowly over time. You keep feeling this nagging in you that you continually suppress until it seems nonexistent, but that never helps it just comes back a little bigger and a little more intense than the previous time. The voice is pretty persistent. I suppose that's Holy Spirit. I suppose that the voice has been speaking to me for a while now.
I think I got a lot of things out in the open this weekend.
I think (I hope) I've made a lot of decisions about my life - at least for the time being - and what I'm going to focus my energy on.
I know this is probably personal but I have my reasons for being so vulnerable. I've spent so much of my time wishing that a girl would fill my lonely heart. I have never been too long withouth someone in my life filling that part, but I haven't had a great deal of luck in that department. A lot of it has been due to my immaturity as a person, but another part I believe is that it's just not the right time. So I guess with that thought and a LOT of thinking I've set my mind to not be looking for any sort of relationship this year. I need to stop thinking of my singleness as a disorder and start viewing it as a blessing. God has me here. I don't know why. I don't know why I am supposed to be single right now, but I'm going to quit trying to find someone and just find Him. That sounds a bit cheesy for my taste, but it's really what I feel.
The thought it scary and exciting. I have never really tried to stay away from relationships, but for this school year I'm going to remain single. I suppose that is why I'm being open about this because if you are reading this than you can keep my accountable for what I'm trying to set myself to. There is so much in my life that needs to gather all of my attention. My family. My friends. School. My God! Besides, I will be plenty busy with interning and other things to devote a healthy amount of time to someone right now.
I'm a bit nervous about all of this, and I am asking that you pray for me as I embark on something that might seem silly to many of you, but it's something that I think is going to be beneficial in the long run.
I pray that God will use this time to grow me, stretch me, and shape me into a better man, boyfriend, husband, father.... in time.
Sigh.
love.
3 comments:
Oh man! Does that mean that we may never work out?
but seriously....
being single does have its benefits and its brave of you giving up something everybody wants so badly...right there shows a great deal of maturity.
love, it
It is so cool that you can realize what needs to happen in your life in order to stay close to God. I have been trying to be okay with it too (being single and stuff)but sometimes it is just so lonely. God knows what needs to happen though so I just have to remember that.
Well I really do miss hangin' out with you and troy...oh! and I saw DAVID CROWDER!!!! So amazing!!
None of it sounds cheesy. Priorities shift and change as does life. You never know where God and the Holy Spirit are going to lead and work in your life. I'm learning that as you focus more on God and his works you are given many gifts you don't expect.
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