the last kiss

Whoever said they didn't like 'The Last Kiss' is out of their mind.

Definitely a much more mature movie than Garden State.


So incredibly moving.


love.

camden ryan baker

love.

say uncle! say it! say uncle!

I'm an uncle as of this morning at 10:34.

7lbs 8oz

Camden Ryan Baker.

Pictures to come for sure, but for now, just be excited!


ok bye.


love.

oh ps. i got my MACBOOK today!

i'm coming home

the roberts children (adults now)














katie and i














the nap before dinner (it was brilliant)














the family















i love my family.
i'm ready to finally be home.

love.

southern hospitality

a few things before i retire for the evening.

a: i'm in south carolina and it's been fun being with my family often.
b: i felt my nephew camden ryan baker kick several times in my sister's stomach.
c: stranger than fiction is will ferell's best movie.
d: i am happy that its soundtrack is riddled with spoon all over it.

happy thanksgiving. goodnight.

love.

heck yeah.

So listen, I'm in my 'Writing in the Professions' class right now. It's a joke, so I'd rather be writing in here than doing anything else.

Literally, I do absolutely nothing in this class and it's great. ... Ooops my prof. just walked by. Oh well. His name is Basil... amazing. We are supposed to be working on some sort of critique, but I don't think I care too much about that.

I love this class... and.... umm... bunnies.


wow.

love.

what's a boy to do...

"I know the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started."
- "A Farewell To Arms," Ernest Hemingway

sigh.

love.

20 pages of essay in 2 days (and 2 nights)....

this is what twenty pages of essays looks like.


























































and i still have ten pages to go.

love.

there and back again

Ok, so I feel like I've been a flurry of emotions lately. Back and forth, but I suppose such is life. And I'm ok with that, life's a bit more exciting that way.

There is so much in this world that I have to be thankful for. And although every emotion - including sorrow -is a valid one, I'm trying to remain positive, because there is so much to be happy about.

"Jesus what a strength in weakness
let me hide myself in Him
tempted, tried, and sometimes failing
He, my strength, my victory wins

hallelujah, what a savior!
hallelujah, what a friend
saving, helping, keeping, loving
He is with me to the end

Jesus what what a help in sorrow
while the billows o'er me roll
even when my heart is breaking
He, my comfort, helps my soul

hallelujah, what a savior!
hallelujah, what a friend.
saving, helping, keeping, loving
He is with me to the end"

there is so much to look forward to.

love.

time travel...

Dear Roberta Sparrow, I have reached the end of your book and... there are so many things that I need to ask you. Sometimes I'm afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I'm afraid that you'll tell me that this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.



















:)

love.

but she stopped running months ago...

I HATE being alone.

"cause all you see
is where else you could be
when you're at home

and out on the streets
are so many possibilities
to not be alone."
---------------
[death cab for cutie]

sigh.

love.

a generous misunderstanding

I've been completely ignorant to how a lot of Americans view Christianity. In my Politics and Religion class I get a taste of the generally misled thought of what the state of the church in America is.

Something should be probably done to change this view.

I hope I can do something to create a more positive image about what Christ's message was. Not sacrificing beliefs, but making positive change, and being positively good helping others.

Does anyone else experience this?


love.

let go

and so i'm letting go.


for now.

boy this has rattled my nerves (to say the least).

love.

jesus camp pt 2.

On the eve of the film's release, Ted Haggard has disowned the movie Jesus Camp, saying that it misrepresents evangelicals and puts them in a sinister light. The film follows kids who attend a Bible camp where they pray for the country and speak in tongues. Haggard is among the most prominent names to be featured in the movie ...9/15/06 | 12:19 PM


hmmm.


love.

And it got us to think about living our lives for what's right...

Entrance Music: Phantom Planet - The Guest

Hi. I'm not even sure who reads this still, but I'm going to write anyways because it feels good and right and natural and I want to. So there.

Do you ever feel like things just pile up and pile up. Not all at once. It creeps up on you slowly over time. You keep feeling this nagging in you that you continually suppress until it seems nonexistent, but that never helps it just comes back a little bigger and a little more intense than the previous time. The voice is pretty persistent. I suppose that's Holy Spirit. I suppose that the voice has been speaking to me for a while now.

I think I got a lot of things out in the open this weekend.

I think (I hope) I've made a lot of decisions about my life - at least for the time being - and what I'm going to focus my energy on.

I know this is probably personal but I have my reasons for being so vulnerable. I've spent so much of my time wishing that a girl would fill my lonely heart. I have never been too long withouth someone in my life filling that part, but I haven't had a great deal of luck in that department. A lot of it has been due to my immaturity as a person, but another part I believe is that it's just not the right time. So I guess with that thought and a LOT of thinking I've set my mind to not be looking for any sort of relationship this year. I need to stop thinking of my singleness as a disorder and start viewing it as a blessing. God has me here. I don't know why. I don't know why I am supposed to be single right now, but I'm going to quit trying to find someone and just find Him. That sounds a bit cheesy for my taste, but it's really what I feel.

The thought it scary and exciting. I have never really tried to stay away from relationships, but for this school year I'm going to remain single. I suppose that is why I'm being open about this because if you are reading this than you can keep my accountable for what I'm trying to set myself to. There is so much in my life that needs to gather all of my attention. My family. My friends. School. My God! Besides, I will be plenty busy with interning and other things to devote a healthy amount of time to someone right now.

I'm a bit nervous about all of this, and I am asking that you pray for me as I embark on something that might seem silly to many of you, but it's something that I think is going to be beneficial in the long run.

I pray that God will use this time to grow me, stretch me, and shape me into a better man, boyfriend, husband, father.... in time.

Sigh.





















love.

coming soon

I have lots to say.

I'll write it out soon.

love.

jesus camp

Watch the trailer...










...and discuss.

I'm not even sure what to make of this.

love.

no, but seriously, school isn't that great...

I'm an upperclassmen again.

2 years left of college... wonderful.

Here look at this:

















love.

be more ready now... because the future is fast approaching

Entrance Music: Ryan Adams - Love is Hell (the entire album)

I haven't devoted anytime lately to sit down and write. Or to think for that matter. I'm feeling up for it so I'm not going to waste this opportunity.

Maybe it's the time of year. Maybe my life is picking up. Maybe I've been around too many things that remind me that my future is fast approaching. Or maybe it's just that I'm growing up a little quicker than I prepared for. In any event there has been a thick sense of "oh no what am I going to do in the next few years that will define my life?!" in the air. And it's consumed most of my thoughts.

Bryan's wedding weekend sparked dozens of great discussions, mostly centered around our futures. And to be honest I really enjoy talking about what's in store because I feel like there is so much to look forward to in each of our lives. One particular conversation with Robbie, Troy, and Nathan was completely fantastic. In round robin style we each laid out what we wanted to do in the next few years and on. How amazing it is that God plants something completely unique in each of our heads and hearts. Each story compliments the next.

What is in store for me?

Here's what I've come up with so far...

The next 2 years:
I started out school at Grand Valley, but now I'm back in Saginaw. I'm completely cool with that. Things worked out here. I'm interning at church, working for my parents, and have an outlet to be writing and writing worship, and gaining invaluable training and experience as a worship leader. I don't plan on leaving for the next two years. I will finish school at SVSU with a degree in Political Science. Hopefully with a few life changing experiences along the way...

My parents introduced me to the Washington Semester program. If I participate I'll spend a semester interning with an organization in DC as well as spending a few weeks abroad focusing on whatever program I choose to involve myself with. In all honesty I've been a bit more skeptical intially than I should have been, but this really looks like a cool opportunity and I have lots of voices in my life telling me to go. As with all things there are a lot of considerations to be taken into account. I'd have to take a step back from interning for one semester either this winter or next fall. It would be a huge loss to leave that behind. Not even so much the internship as the relationships with the students. But again, when am I going to be able to do something like this again in my life? There is so much to think about. Please pray for me that I would seek to follow God in wherever He leads.

2 years and so on:
Hopefully in two years I'll be a true Political Scientist backed up by my bachelors degree. From there the aim is seminary. I have three options. Grand Rapids Theological Seminary (which Troys calls "Grrrrts"), Deniver Seminary, and Fuller Theological Seminary. My desire is that I'll be out of state, but I'm certainly not against living in Grand Rapids again. I mean come on, Mars Hill is in Grand Rapids. There are a ton more seminaries, but these three are most appealing to me.

If I end up in Denver I'll fall into community at the onset. Bryan and Anna are already there. Steve and Jodi are making their way there this winter. Denver Seminary is a solid institution and I've heard only good things from anyone I've talked with. Not a bad choice.

But if things go as I'm hoping they will, I'll find myself in Pasadena, California at Fuller Theological Seminary. I have had this sense of adventure burning in me for a while now and I would absolutely love to spend a couple years (maybe more) on the west coast. It wouldn't be a walk in the park financially that's for sure, but it's a task I'm hoping to tackle. Most importantly there is a program that almost seems too perfect for my interests and leanings. I would pursue a Master of Arts in Theology with a concentration in Theology and the Arts. Which means I'd be taking classes like: Theology and Culture, Theology, Pop Culture, and the Emerging Church, Theolgy of CS Lewis, Viewing Film: Philosophical and Theological Considerations, and Worship and the Performing Arts. I literally get chills just thinking about how thrilling it would be. My heart is set on Fuller, but again it's in the Lord's hands. (Fuller... Fuller... pleaaaaase!)

And so on.. and so forth:
I don't even know where I'll end up after my run with seminary is up. I'm open to any place. Be it Michigan or California or Denver or .. Montana? Anywhere. Working in a church or teaching at the college level would be my final aim. Oh and of course a family, but that's a whole other discussion I suppose.

If you've made it this far I want to first congratulate you for sticking to your guns and finishing this novel as it's turned out to be. Mostly, I just want to let you know how much I appreciate your interest in my life. How insignificant I am in the history of mankind and I consider it a blessing that you have even the slightest concern for what I'm doing. I value our frienship immensely.

So please pray. Pray for me. Pray that God would reveal in His time and with His perfect love. Pray for others in my situation. Pray for my friends and my family as they go through all of this with me. Pray to praise God for the work He's already done in my life and in the lives of everyone around us. Pray that He will "create in me a heart that beats for Him".

I love you all very much (even when I don't show it all the time like you all deserve).

love.

Exit Music: Ryan Adams - Jacksonville City Nights (With The Cardinals) (the entire album)

someone got married this weekend... it was bryan and anna

love.

generously orthodox.

I think anyone interested in spritual development should be required to read 'A Generous Orthodoxy'.














What a breath of fresh air.

love.

we think the same things (at the same time)

Thom Yorke is a gift to music.














if you want to be blown away click... here.

love.

come on my hair is so long.

troy and i need haircuts, desperately.

any takers?

love.

this is what a school picture should look like... (or the study of best friends)

love.

so i was thinking, it hurts to be punched...

Ever have those days when every possible attempt that life gets to sucker punch you, it does?

Yup, me too.

love.

as long as we're talking about artists that make me feel warm...

David Crowder is incredible.

'A Collision' was one of the best albums released in 2005. I know he's trying to be a lot like Sufjan with his concept for the album (even covering a Sufjan song) but dear lord he's just absurd!

Hands down most important worship leader of our generation. There I said it.

I want to be David Crowder when I grow older, and I don't care who knows it!


love.

ps. 'B Collision' drops next week!

kyrie elaison is such a freaking great song

No but seriously, I love that song. It may have revolutionized my life. You can't help but be inspired when your ears hear the sweet melody. And by sweet I mean breathtaking, but by sweet I also mean like something you eat.

It's nearly 3 am everytime I post. That's because I am nocturnal. Or wait, I'm up during the day too. I basically find minimal amounts of time to sleep because well, it's just a waste of my time.

I think everyone should play more board games. Scattegories? Sequence? Scotland Yard?!! and umm.. Mancala? No, I take that last one back.

Wednesday night, Wednesday night. I need to maybe change my strings before then. They've been neglected and I feel horrible.

Also, does anybody love the music from megaman 2 on nintendo as much as I do?

I looked through a good deal of my old livejournal entries from probably 3 -4 years ago in high school. I don't seem the same as I was then, but there are lot of things that make me think I'm still like that boy from back then.

I'm going to be useless for awhile longer before I retreat under the covers.

love.

we can dream

-----------------------------------
come on hope
you're alive
come on peace
you're alive

be ready
be more ready

change is coming
change is now
look! glory fills the sky
look! love rains down

dream on now
love has arrived
oh god above
you're alive

lift your weary head
with urgency
for he made the universe
we can dream, we can dream!
-----------------------------------

i'm trying to write more often.
but my (attempts at) creativity creates vast insecurities. eek.

love.

neighbors

So Troy and I just met one of our neighbors. Let me set this up....


It's 2 am and we were watching 'the pianist' with Britney when all of a sudden some girl (i'll now refer to her has crazy (in her comfy's)) just walks in and this exchange happens..

Troy: Hello?
Crazy: Oh, I'm sorry.
(Crazy then walks out.)

Weird, right? We assume she was drunk, we get a good laugh from it. Less than 30 seconds later...

Crazy girl busts in.

Troy: Um, Hi?
Crazy: (now in our kitchen looking around.) I live here.
Troy: Um. No you don't.
Crazy: (really confused) No, I live here.
Troy: No you don't, look. (points to door with our names on it.)

Troy guides her out the door and she goes on here merry way.

End Scene.

The weird part is that Britney suggest that she might have been sleepwalking. If that's the case that was really freakin' creepy.

Quite possibly the weirdest thing that's ever happend to me.

I hope you enjoyed that.

love.

irony?

i just read this on relevantmag.com

Community officials in Sydney are planning on installing a loudspeaker system in a local park that will play Barry Manilow music in an effort to drive away teenage "hooligans" who hang out there. If that doesn’t work, they will actually have to fly in Barry Manilow to hang out at the park and physically remove the teens, a drastic but effective solution … 6/7/06 | 12:11 PM

ironic.... in light of recent events.

if you only knew how funny this is.

love.

closure.

Stable Song___

Time for the final bout
Rows of deserted houses
All our stable mates highway bound
Getting the air inside my lungs is heavenly
Starting out with nothing but crippling doubt
We'll rest easy justified
Suffered a swift defeat, i'll endure countless repeats
The gift of memory is an awful curse
With age it just gets much worse...

love. (though i don't feel much of that right now.)

i just feel numb.

sigh....

summer pt 2.

I can't find my camera. This is kind of upsetting, I want you to see my apartment, but you can't. I'll post pictures when I find it.

Holy cow it's such a drastic difference between my old apartment and the new one. I'm sitting on our balcony right now and it's gorgeous outside, but the fact that I'm looking at trees and a neighborhood is so much more pleasent rather than looking into a big parking lots and nasty carports. I hear birds and the wind instead of cars and contstruction. The fact that we are by two 7-11's makes me happy. I enjoy living here. (I enjoyed Normandy too, but only cause my roommate was great not because Normandy was awesome... cause it wasn't.)

Summer has been going really well as a whole (some minor issues, but I suppose that's expected). I've been trying to write music a little more and take advantage of some free time. I'm trying to get in a better habit of reading over break. I started 'A Generous Orthodoxy' by Brian McLaren and I'm flying through it. I try to read as much as I can but it's not often that I'm consistently thinking about when I can get a chance to sit down and read more like this book makes me do. I might not agree with everything he's saying in his book, but I respect that he's pushing the envelope and challenging today's thinking (and thinkers).

I have lots to be excited for this summer and I can't wait to get back into ignite. It's been too long and I can sense some excitement building. Extend will be great and I can not wait to be apart of that weekend. It is only a few weeks away so please be diligent in praying for the students, leaders, and speakers involved.

There are two albums that are due out this summer that I am anxiously awaiting. Both are set to release on the same day: July 11.

First is Sufjan Stevens' other half of his Illinoise album. Illinoise was originally a double album, but was cut short near the end of recording. So instead of scraping the material Asthmatic Kitty is releasing 'The Avalanche' which includes a healthy serving of b-sides and outtakes from the Illinoise sessions. I've already heard a few tracks and 'The Henney Buggy Band' is the catchiest Sufjan song I've ever heard. I'm pumped.


The second album releasing the 11th is Thom Yorke's (radiohead) 'The Eraser'. Radiohead and Sufjan Stevens are probably my two favorite artists for sometime. Pretty much any music that Thom Yorke makes is genius. The Eraser leaked on the internet this past week so I've enjoyed a nice preview of the tracks and it's alot like Radiohead's 'Kid A' album (my favorite Radiohead album). So July 11 is going to be a big day for me not to mention that it's free slurpee day!

I suppose this update will suffice.

Until next time here are a list of things I want to do this summer:
_Play tennis lots.
_Buy a bike.
_Ride the bike lots.
_Cedar Point!
_Homerun derby.
_Swim at my house more.
_See a Tigers game.(June 13 - check)
_Road trip..anywhere.
_Mars Hill at least once.
_Anything fun.

Enjoy God's creation!

love.

summer

Ok, ok I've been absent from writing, but I've been busy.

Troy and I moved in to our new place and it's fantastic. School's over with and I did pretty well (3.42) and I'm happy that I get good grades again.

The past month has been pretty crazy but alot of fun.

The last ignite of the year was last Sunday. It's been an honor and joy to be able to worship with all of you this year. Thanks for being so encouraging to me and I will certainly miss the seniors next year. You're all wonderful and I love you guys.
Please keep in touch.

Bryan was home the past few days and I got to spend time with him which was great. We did guy things and it was fun.

I haven't had time to write anything of meaning lately, but I'm thinking about it soon.

I hope God is continually blessing your lives as only he can.

love.

paper

I wrote a ten page paper in less than one day.

And it's freakin' good.

How 'bout that?!

I'm quite sleepy now.

Goodnight.

love.

busy

I've been busy. I've neglected writing for far too long. For that, I'm sorry.

I do not have a focus in my writing tonight, but maybe that's because I feel like I've been stretched in about a million directions over the past month or so. My thoughts are so scattered and my post will look like much of that same. And with that let's begin...

I've been writing a lot of music and words lately. God is continually enstilling confidence in me to keep writing. And I've thought about this a lot lately and I would like to become a hymn writer. That is not a profession. I know. But that's what I'd like to be used by God for. (He'll direct my life and I'll be happy where I am. No matter where that is. Still...) I'm so fascinated by hymns. I've been trying to teach them to our student ministries at Hopevale and I think I'm just to nerdy for them. My heart is that they would understand how important these words are. The fact that someone hundreds of years ago in a completely different context could write these words and have them sung for generations is incredible. I'm certain they were not writing for the purpose of putting out an album. So what did they write for? Not for others. Not for a hit worship song. They wrote out of devotion and pure worship to the Lord God. And yet, they probably had no idea that their words would touch my heart in 2006. What a priviledge it would be that someone might view my words as something of value. I just want to follow God where he leads and hopefully offer words of praise.

My political science class is so good. Holy cow. I am so challenged and I love it. First of all my professor is a genius. Second, he's just a good guy. Last week we discussed Westboro Baptist Church. Westboro believes that God hates America. Some of them are the ones you see on television protesting homosexuality at military funerals. The same people who cry that God is love and desire to preach the gospel are picketing with signs that read "God hates fags. Fags doom nations. Repent or perish." If you want to see how awful it's become go here.. www.godhatesamerica.com or www.godhatesfags.com . I warn you though, it will leave you feeling dejected and sad.

At first when I heard about this church I did some research of my own and my initial reaction was to be angry at these people, but after awhile I just felt this immense sadness. How did Christ's message become so distorted? When did it become a good idea in someone's head to opress others in the name of a just but still loving, gracious God. Now, I certainly do believe that God is just and he is the ultimate judge, but where we fail in our sins (i.e. homosexuality, deceit, sexual immorality, pride, etc.) we are showered with grace through God's sacrifice in Jesus Christ. We are sinners. I am a sinner. We are forgiven. I am forgiven. The fact is that Christ died for the sins of every person. Including these people (the picketers) who have somehow lost Christ's message. His life was entirely a testiment of love.

God is a judge.
More than that he's a compassionate, caring, healing, graceful God who can wash away any condemnation we have, through his son Christ.

We cannot forget that. And the fact that some have is so disheartening.

My hope is that God's love is so overpowering that we are filled to the brim and it pours out on to everyone we interact with.

God is love.

love.

paint

I can no longer say that I've never painted before. That's pretty cool. Katie has been trying to get me to paint for a good 3 years now and this week I finally gave in, but you know what? It was great.















Not as goofy as Troy's, I know. In fact it's really kind of creepy.

Radiohead is my favorite band and has been for a long time. So, I decided to pay tribute to an amazing band that will probably continue to astonish and creep me out all at the same time.

I love Radiohead. You should too.

love.

tradition

I've been hearing a lot of talk about Lent this year, probably more so than I have in any other year I can remember. I'm not even sure how to approach all of this, because I have yet to figure out where I fall into place in this picture. But here are my thoughts that I have been wrestling with for a few weeks concerning Lent but moreover tradition.

Tradition is a peculiar thing to me. We are definitely creatures of habit and yet the artsy part of me wants to continually reinvent myself or the things I'm doing. This is obviously contradictory. Can you have tradition and reinvent simultaneously? Probably not. So I guess many of us are stuck in this cycle of pushing forward and looking backward. Well then, what takes precedence?

There is great value, I believe, in living within our context. You are never going to reach out to someone using very structured, organized, repetitive faith. Repetition, to me, is an easy way to find yourself very bored very fast with even the most exciting stories and the best news. I get upset when I see Christian sub-culture becoming more and more exclusive. In many churches I've observed a trend, which I'm equally as guilty of, in which they place high importance on community (which is a necessary and great thing) and little on how they are being light in a world that is very much consumed by darkness.

All that to say that there is value in being engaged in culture. This example may be widely overused but if we look to follow Jesus and we observe where he's been and what he'd do then we can see that he found himself immersed in culture and hanging out with what would be considered filth by not only today's society, but Christians as well. Then what are we so afraid of? I will not blindly let my children do what they wish without concern about their spiritual welfare, but when they are wise enough to know that they are to be in the world and not of it then there can be great worth in allowing them to observe the word as society views it (i.e. movies, music, etc.). This step into culture requires a bit of straying from traditional practices of Christianity in which we have a cookie cutter form for each believer.

Growing up I think I was trained to just assume that tradition, specifically within Catholicism, was a bad way to find God. For years I thought my friends who were Catholic really didn't understand Christianity. I believe that tradition was an evil that was destroying God's message. The older I've gotten the more I've come to believe that I was missing much of the point. Liturgy is just as important now (maybe even more so) as it was when it began in the book of Acts at the foundations of the Church.

I like to relate tradition to hymns. There is a resurgence of hymns in the modern Church that is very powerful. For me personally there is something exciting about singing the words that someone wrote in a completely different time and a completely different context. When we study the history behind the hymns/words we sing they take on new meaning and empower us to worship the creator of all things more passionately. I don't believe the authors really could even imagine the impact their words would have on many generations to come. So our tradition of singing the same words for hundreds of years is something to be excited about and when we look at tradition in this light there is a great deal of benefit to be had from it.

If Christ is unchanging then can it be wrong that we find ourselves in worship that is unchanging?

Let's perhaps rethink our stance on tradition, not losing ourselves in repetition, but gaining momentum as we build on what millions of other followers of Christ have already started.

love.

nature anthem

This post is completely ridiculous, but I have to post this.

If you like animals dancing and happy music this is for you my friend.

The Nature Anthem by Grandaddy














"I wanna walk up the side of a mountain
I wanna walk down the other side of a mountain
I wanna swim in the river and lie in the sun
I wanna try to be nice to everyone."

I love this song.
You'll be singing this for days, hopefully years.

love.

sigur ros

I wasn't sure if it was possible, but this was the most beautiful, brilliant, amazing, emotional concert I've ever been too. I can honestly say I've never seen a better concert from opening to ending there is nothing I would have changed. I already had a lot of respect for Sigur Ros but this just solidifies them as one of the best bands, yup I'm just going to say it... ever.

I can't even describe how amazing it was.

Unbelievable.

























































When we get to heaven I hope (I know) the music there is as beautiful and passionate as this.
love.

grandrapids

Agenda for this weekend:

1. Drive to Grand Rapids.
2. Meet with Steve Argue.
3. Spend time with quality people.
4. Wait for the arrival of Troy.
5. Attend a Sigur Ros show!!!!

This will be great.

Have a wonderful weekend. Stay safe.

love.

vday

It's valentines day.

I don't have a valentine, but someday I will.














So wife, wherever you are right now,
you are wonderful and I cannot wait to meet you.

love.

d webb

Derek Webb was phenomenal, just like last time.

The thing that I like about his shows are that during his set he
discusses some deep theological and ethical issues that we all
need to think about it. I always leave feeling really convicted,
in the best sense possible.

He pushed for lots of aid to Africa and the 1000 wells project,
which was real exciting to me, because I helped out with that
a few months back.

And a photo...














love.

poly sci

My political science class, Local and State Government, makes me think very hard about the things I have believed and have never tried defending. It's a challenge and I LIKE it.

Keeping God at the forefront of my political beliefs is tough business.

I have not much of value to post, sorry.

love.

blast

more pictures from this weekend soon!
if you want to see more www.hopevale.org

love.

really

gosh!

when are we going to really believe that love wins?










lord, help us to love everyone even when it hurts.

love.

retreat

Currently Listening to: Aqualung

Later today I'll be in Hillsdale leading worship for a few hundred kids and I'm pretty excited about it. It's just now starting to sink in. This is exactly what I want to be doing with the rest of my life if it is where God leads.

What a privaledge it is to sing and play music with others.

Hopefully I'll be able to pick up some wireless reception down in Hillsdale so I can post as the weekend progresses.

Oh, and... I want to go to seminary in California. Maybe Fuller Theological (Pasedena) or Bethel (San Diego). Eeek, this might be fun!

When you get a chance, please pray for my heart and the other members of the band's hearts. Let us gain as much out of this weekend as the ones we are leading.

love.

ps. I've been watching too much Disney Channel for my own good I think.

anxious

DISCLAIMER: I am not depressed, dork. I am not always sad, but when I write on here I am really reflective and it sometimes comes out as a somber read. I love life and I am just going through things that will one day pass, but for now it feels good to write out my frustrations and feelings.



What are we so afraid of? And why do these fears control us so fervently.


Fact: I am a people person. I love to be around people. I love to make others happy.

This is probably why I look forward to Sundays when I get to work on a team and work with youth. It's a blast and definitely the highlight of my week. First of all I get to do what I love more than anything in the world and that is to play music that pleases the Lord and in turn, hopefully, help others engage as well.

Fact: I am flawed. I do things that upset others. I feel it when people are upset with me.

And I get concerned. Concerned isn't even a strong enough word for what goes on inside of me. I let it eat away at everything I do. From the moment I learn that someone has ill feelings toward me I just let it sink it. I sit, stare, space out. It's usually followed by several huge sighs. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate it when someone doesn't like me. I suspect my personality has a great deal to do with it.

There are just some people I'll never be able to please, but how can you just be ok with that? How can you just let it not affect you? Wouldn't you want to try and fight to earn their trust or respect? That's usually what I end up doing or thinking about doing. It's hard to be ok with just understanding that you can't please everyone. Please get a chance to know me. I'm not a bad person. I swear! eek.

Fact: I am alone. I am lonely. It's not easy to be alone. It's not easy to be lonely.

I am sick of this feeling. I am learning to deal with it a little better (thanks to writing and Sufjan Stevens), but I still have my moments. And I guess I'm ok with not having a girlfriend right now, but I want to find some peace in that. I'm ok with being single, I just want to be filled up by God so that I am ready to be a good boyfriend when he allows me to be one.

I believe that people struggle much harder with loneliness not because they feel so alone but because when they try to reach out to feel loved it's extremely difficult to do so when you don't have something tangible to make you feel better. I'm sick of being sad. It's hard to read black and white text and expect to feel the love of an unseen distant Lord. I can't feel Him wrap his arms around me. I can't feel Him hug me and tell me everything will be alright. And it's hard. It's so hard.

Fact: God's grace is really enough.

I need to keep telling that to myself. I know it's true. I need to be a stronger leader. I've been told that I shouldn't write all of these sad things in my blog because it makes me look weak. I think that it's just the opposite. I hope that this is helpful to my peers and those who may be younger than me. Being a leader does not mean that you have yourself figured out. We are all going through life at the same time. It's my hope that you might learn from the things I have experienced. One of my biggest fears is that my life is unimportant and hasn't had an affect on someone.

I do struggle with life, but I'm in an ever constant pursuit to be like Christ. I want to be a man after God's own heart. So I press on. It's going to be hard. God never promised that my life was going to be easy and it surely hasn't been a walk in the park.

Do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry
That life is anxious
Life is mean"
-Sufjan Stevens

love.

antsy.

Do you ever just feel anxious? I do. In fact I do right now. It's 2:30 in the morning and I can not sleep. I just feel really stressed out about so many things right now. I don't even know why.

I feel like I'm running on empty. Spiritually running on empty. I think I have been for sometime now. It isn't that I'm shying away from God; it's that I'm trying to just manage my life on my own with me in the driver seat and God more of a passenger than anything.

If I'm really honest with myself I think I am having a hard time trusting God with the things in my life right now. I'm convinced that this age can put a lot of stress on someone. The decisions I am making right now, as well as in the next few years, are ones that will ultimately shape the rest of my life. That's a bit scary.

I'm just a kid.

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who know me
Will I discover a soul-saving love or
Just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then a bed to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death I'll bet he's holding his breath
Cause' I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause' I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be lead down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take Your promise
Though I know nothing's safe
Oh me of little faith.

-Nickel Creek

I still have much to be thankful for.
Thank you for loving me guys, because sometimes I don't deserve it.

love.

false.

i know you stay true
when my world is false
everything around is
breaking down to chaos

i always see you
when my sight is lost
everything around is
breaking down to chaos



i can't avoid what i can't control

love.

myPod

I did a little collage last time I got an iPod so I decided to do one this time around.

I got lucky and was actually home and watched the fedex truck pull up! Eeek!















































Oh it is glorious.

If you can't read the engraving it says "holy is the sound" which is a line from a Sufjan Stevens song off of his Seven Swans cd.

Also, in case you weren't sure that Apple will soon take over the world...

In a sign of Apple’s massive cultural influence, jean maker Levi's is reportedly making a special edition of its popular pants that have a fitted pocket for the iPod. Even more evidence of the iPod's dominance.

love.

class

Gross. School started for us college kids this Monday. I am not thrilled about the whole experience either. I think school (or my mindset about it) automatically makes me depressed. I just want this semester to be over with already. I will eat my words in a few years I'm told, but for right now I still would rather be in a career doing what I will be doing for the rest of my life.

4 more months until summer vacation!

Is it too early to start a countdown?

It is? .. oh well.

love.

allegiance

"My first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a King and a kingdom.

But nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we've got one, sure as hell
but he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kids
he may be sleeping with your wife
oh no, he may not look like you think."
- derek webb

wow.
i'll be sure to expand on this soon.

love.